Update

Well it has been a couple of days since I posted.  I think this is going to be very useful for me.  This way I can poor all my little meaningless thoughts into here and quit telling others who I know it doesn't matter to.  Anyway, that isn't self loathing, I am just trying to change some things to make my world better.

Everyone is healthy, Finally.  What else, Oh I have given the paperwork to 2 didfferent French speakers & I hope to have it translated by the beginning of next week.  I have a new sense of urgency about this situation.  I have always had peace in my heart that Tatiana may not be in our home, in our direct love, & have our opportunities but at least she was in a good place by their standards.  She gets a place to sleep, food everyday, the opportunity for an education, and love.  Problem; I just read Ashley's blog today and one of the older girls came home from school and a classmate did not perform well on a test.  The punishment was, since no one in the class helped this child to make sure he knew the information, everyone in the class was hit with a switch.  2 lashes for everyone, the girl with Ashley had a huge welt & the second blow took skin with it.  OMG is this what my baby is subject too????  I know she is in a very good place by compairson but I still can't stand the thought of that happening to a child & especially not our child.  Tatiana we are coming to get you AS SOON as we can get there.

We had a marital crisis this week.  It was actually the first time in 12 yrs. we discussed one of us packing up and leaving.  The problem is that it took things going that far for me to understand I have been disrespecting my husband for 15 yrs.  I hate that is comes to that, but they say that sometimes things must hit bottom before your eyes are opened.  I truly hope that my eyes have opened enough that I don't ever forget this time.  I know Brian hopes I will change how I respect (or lack there of) him, but I also know he can't believe me at face value when I say I will change.  He has hoped I would change for 15 yrs., & I have also promised to change before & I have gotten lax because I thought I passified him long enough that it didn't matter any more.  It turns out that it did matter but he just didn't have the desire to nag & nag until I did what I said I would in the first place.  I am now reading a book called "Love & Respect".  I want to learn how to respect my husband and what respect means.  I just know he has had trouble with telling the whole truth before & I can only hope he is telling me the truth this time.  I guess we still have some issues to work out before we can be considered "happily married" again.  :( sad but true.  It is all I want in the world.

We will see how it plays out.

Sick House

Ok so the good news is, I think we are all going to live.  Everyone in my house I mean.  3 of the 4 of us came down with some aweful stomach bug during the night Tues night.  Brian not so bad, Noah not at all, Tabi & myself thought it was a shorter trip to die than to get better.  But, apparently it wasn't our time to go because we are now closer to being better than we are to death.  YEAH  Tomorrow it looks like back to school & work for us.  Back to real life, oh well just in time for the weekend.

P.S.  Gotta find someone who knows French well enough to translate 2 documents.  They are the last 2 documents to send to immigration, unfortunately I have been too sick for the last couple of days to even care.  Maybe in the next couple of days it will become my focus again.

Easter

Yesterday was a really nice day.  The weather was just georgous, several people were baptised during the service, lunch with the extended family, went to see Grandpa, took Tabi to her boyfriend's and spent the evening relaxin.  Everyone got along great and had a really good time.  All was good!!!

News From Immigration

Answer to why the INS is going to call.  Like I thought, no big deal.  He called yesterday and wanted to let me know that they need two additional documents.  The paperwork said that Tatiana's mother had passed away but no death certificate was included.  The reason they must have this document is because if Tati's father was trying to sell her for a price he could have said she was dead, just believe me she has no mother.  They want to make certain after doing due dilligance that all the ducks are in a row and that she has passed away like we say she has.  The second document was a statement from her father saying that he can no longer take care of her and that he irrevocably and unconditionally gives her up to someone who can care for her.  The reason for this document is again to avoid the fradulant case that someone has stolen this child to sell to the highest bidder.  Also, people who traffic children will sell a child into slave labor for 1 year or more and then want to get them back when their usefullness was used up.  INS just wants to make sure her father does not change his mind later and have a legal reason to rip her away from us.  So I do understand that all of this is to protect everyone involved.  The only problem is that it is one more thing to do & one more thing keeping our daughter from being in our arms.  But, the important part is that ALL of this is in God's hands and His timing is EXACTLY PERFECT and if we change that timing by one second it will all go horribly wrong.  So that is the truth we hold on to everyday we are not together as a family.  So I e-mailed both Gabi (director of the orphanage) and our attorney in Benin to ask for the documents.  They both e-mailed them to me by this morning.  The next step is to find someone who can translate the French and to send them on to INS.  I hope to have this ASAP!!!  I would like to send the docs early next week.  INS officer said that when he receives these things should go quickly.  Well, we will see about that.

Daycare kids info:  Today I had my two boys that I have had FOREVER.  I love these guys.  Ja is 7 and Ju is 3.  I don't have them all the time now but only for special days.  I had Ja from the time he was a baby until Ju was almost 2.  These boys are so sweet & as a family we love them to death, like most of my daycare kids.  Anyway, today Ju didn't want a sandwich for lunch so when I got ready to make lunch he told me that his mommy said he wasn't allowed to eat a sandwich, maybe when he gets bigger but today he can't have one.  This was too funny to me.  This told me that mommy says they have to wait until they get bigger to have something & it also told me that Ju didn't want a sandwich and thinks that if it is a directive from his mom then I MUST obey.  Well Ju "got his wish" because he was not "forced" to eat a yucky old sandwich. (which I wasn't going to make for them anyway)  Later this afternoon, same child, got a snack out of his bag and when I told him to put it back he looked me dead in the eyes and said "No".  I asked, "excuse me?"  He, again, said "No!"  I gave him one more chance before I threatened Time Out.  This time he caved and put the snack into the bag.  He was testing the water to see what Ms. Tonya would push & and where he stood with the rules.  I knew this inside of 10 seconds.  He pushed, found the boundaries & went bounding into the other room to go on with his day.  LOL  I love my job and they are so much fun.