Medical News

Cincinnati Children's Hospital has a program specifically designed to evaluate children adopted internationally.  The program was started by a doctor who adopted internationally & when her children arrived home her pediatrician did not have the necessary info to properly address specific health concerns pertaining to her children.  Plus, who could evaluate their mental health, or their emotional state, etc.  So she designed this program where you go for one appointment & you meet with a doctor, social worker, occupational therapist, mental health specialist, and have a whole host of tests run on their bodies.  When all this information is compiled it is sent to your permanent pediatrician & the group at Children's remains available to the family & the doctor for any questions along the way.  They told us to prepare for a 4 hr appt.

The Appointment:
When we arrived we went to registration & went directly back to a room, no waiting room.  We left the hospital 5 1/2 hrs later!  We saw all the professionals, they did basic tests on her, talked to her (but mostly to us), gave her a flu shot, TB test, wrist x-ray (to determine age), chest x-ray, & took 10 (count them, 10) vials of blood for other tests.  We were all three EXHAUSTED at the end of the day.  Wiped out is the word.  Everyone we delt with was just wonderful, in both attitude and knowledge.  They really seemed to have their ducks in a row & know what was going on.  I like it when ducks are all lined up.   I will go back in a month to receive all the "official" reports & results.  Then we will repeat the process in 6 months to document changes & advances.

The prelim Results:
The doctor said she measured in the third percentile for her height & weight for her age.  We were happy she was on the chart since she is so tiny, the important thing is that she is proportiate.  The occupational therapist said she is just lightly weaker than she would like, but that would come.  The psychologicalist was very happy with our educational plan, discipline plan, & just our general way of accepting her into our family.  The social worker was very happy with her integration into our family.  In general, the people who are educated in these areas are VERY pleased with everyone's adjustment to the new situation.  This is stuff we all knew, but confirmation is always nice to have. 

Now on to the medical results.  I got a call about those today.  The TB test is neg, HIV is neg, the chest x-ray was clear, & she has no sign of parasites.  The nurse said that no parasites in a child from a third world country is almost unheard of.  Some of the other tests are not back yet but nothing they are worried about.  I want to give a shout out to Arbre de Vie (the Faton's & the centre Maman & Papa) for providing living conditions for the kids that are physically, mentally, & emotionally healthy.

The interesting part of the whole thing is the result of her wrist x-ray.  Her birth certificate says she was 8 at the end of June.  I have doubted that since my first week with her, but maybe I was just not understanding the developmental differences in her & an American child.  The x-ray can be thrown off by the child's nutrition in their past, but it revealed a bone age of 6 years & 10 months.  The nurse said the only way the difference could be that great is if she was mannourished almost to the point of death for long periods of time & we don't think that's the case.  So I asked what was the likelyhood that she really turned 7 in June.  The nurse said that is very highly likely.  So we will have to have some discussions in the near future about changing her birth year to 2003 instead of 2002.

Bottom line; the professionals are as amazed with this child as we have been for the last 3 years.  Thank you, are not words enough for the wonderful people at Arbre de Vie who connected us with this unbelieveable child & for changing our lives for the better.  We were destined to be a family long, long ago, the adventure is only beginning.

School

We have decided to homeschool Tati until she can get caught up with the other school children her age, gets a better understanding of English, and understands our customs & culture better.  Our plan is to homeschool her for the rest of the year and if she is ready to send her to public school next year.  Our choice for homeschooling is to use the public school online that we used with our other two children.  This way she gets all the benifits of public school like ESL (English as Second Language) services, math tutoring, peer testing, and the expertise of a teacher to work with.  The biggest bonus is that since it is public school, IT IS FREE!!  I could have attempted to do all the work myself, but without the schools involvment it would have been expensive and I tend to do better with structure and deadlines.  Basically, without them I would have gotten lazy and not done what I should have for Tati.  Good to know your limitations, I embrace that & try to work around them. 

Her computer arrived, I couldn't get it set up fast enough for her

The school provides a computer for every family and it was so overwhelming that this was all for her.  She didn't think I was telling her the truth.

All set up

 We got it all set up and she started to work right away.  She has a sippy cup because she has a tendancy to spill, well I wouldn't call it a tendancy, if she has a cup you can pretty much guess that it is going to be on the floor at one point or another.  So since I do childcare, this is our solution & she loves it because she is now allowed to take her drink all over the house.  Anyway, back to education, she is so excited about all the things she is learning.  She is soaking it up like a sponage. 

That is the update today for the busy Kelley house.  She is keeping us on our toes and we are loving every second.

Guess Who Met Santa

We had a new Kroger open up here in Beavercreek & this past weekend was their "Open House" and they had a Santa in the entrance. 


First Santa

 Well, typical Tati, she walked right up to him and asked me to take a picture of them.  Actually, the Santa wasn't the nicest of guys I have ever met but oh well, Tati didn't know that.  She spent the rest of the weekend asking me if "Papa Noel" would be coming to our house tonight.  By her excitement you would have no idea that she has no idea what is about to happen with Christmas.  She has no clue about the cold, snow, the decorations, songs, the gifts, or Santa.  The way she can't stand it you would think she knew exactly what was coming up.  As far as I know she has only had one or two gifts each year & that only for the last 2 years.  No decorations & the only snow & Santa have been in a movie or two.  She did ask me if they would each be getting a gift for Christmas.  I just answered yes & smiled to myself, let the overwhelment begin. (AGAIN)

The other big thing that happened this weekend was that Tati got "hair."



New Hair, mommy worked very hard all weekend




She is so cool!!

 Ok so while I absolutely LOVE her short hair & we have plenty of barretts & headbands to help her look like a girl in public, she is a girlie little girl and all girlie girls covet their long hair.  So what I did was to take a round headband and attach black yarn all the way around.  Then I cut it to length & tied a knot in the end of each & every string to prevent fraying.  It looks absolutely adorable.  I can't believe how much the color looks the same as her own & how much it looks like real hair.  As a matter of fact, today we went to visit my grandmother in the nursing home & a nurse met her & commented to me that her hair was just beauiful.  It was great.

Leaves

We all know the climate change is strange for Tati.  Really, it turns out she is handling it like a champ.  She doesn't seem too cold too much of the time.  Well with the climate change comes a change in the type of plants.  In Benin there are beautiful palm trees with coconuts, the vegatation is very georgous.  Everything is green for a big part of the year.  Weather just goes from MAJOR Hot, to HOTTER & back to VERY Hot.  Well............................. here in good ole Ohio it's not exactly like that.  She has had a new expirence over the last 2 days.  LEAF PICK UP!!!  Wow, I know how jealous some people can get but yup, Tati got to have the joy.  LOL  She really did have a good time.  The weather was amazing, like 70, both days & she would work a little, play a lot, work a little, play a lot.  We all had a good time.  She now has a bicycle that was down at my parents.  It is down here & Papa (my dad) put training wheels on it so she could learn how to ride.  She is crazy about it, she wants to ride all day everyday.  Also, we have one of those garages where it becomes a catch-all for the stuff that needs to go out of your immediate view but you haven't decided where it should live permanently.  Today Tati figured out that there was interesting "stuff" in there because when we finished with the yard we started straightening out the garage.  My mom always laughs that the kids love to "shop" when they are in a situation like that.  The reason that is so funny is because it fits so perfect.  Tati was deciding what she wanted & where she wanted it to go when she took it in the house.  So we brought some stuff in but mostly Brian & I were in a mood to pitch so we filled the trash cans as fast as we could before we changed our minds.

Tati's new word in English that I noticed tonight was, "necklace."  It always throws me just a little off when she blurts out a word in English, especially when I haven't set out to teach it to her.  She has just picked it up somewhere & started using it in the correct place.  Oh yea, the new word Wednesday was "everyone."  She was asking me who something was for & said, "Mama, Papa or Everyone."  I totally lost track of what I was doing & had her repeat it several times.  Poor thing.  lol  The other new English thing she is trying out are the words "look" & "watch."  She knows they both mean - to see something - but she isn't sure yet when each applies.  She will ask me to watch something when she wants me to look at it.  "Mama watch," and she hands me a book.  I heard her tell a little friend today to look when she did a dance & I knew immediately she meant watch.  The last thing she is doing on the language front; is that she is starting to "repeat" everything she hears.  Anyone who has paid attention when a child was learning to speak will understand what I am talking about.  She repeats but doesn't know the words so the repeated sound is only gibberish but the sounds are exactly what came across her ears.

Tres Jolie

Tati has received so many awesome clothes & toys from friends of ours.  Believe me, it has been amazing on our checkbook but the most important part is that she just loves all the things that are "just for her."  Something she has never had in her life.  Then again she has never been a spoiled American before, I'm not thrilled about materialism but this is her existance now and the new "things" in her life really make her feel included.  Plus, any kid likes stuff.

She was given this pink wig & she now thinks she should be allowed to wear it any place she goes.  Well, those of you who know me, pretty much know that I will probably let her.  It needed a good brushing when she got it.  That didn't slow her in the slightest, she brushed it out & even put some of her hair products in it when I wasn't paying attention.  Aaahhh, I told her that the products don't work like they do in her hair.  So at least the wig smells good now.  With the brushing it looks good too, she is so wanting long hair that she has me put this up in a ponytail & everything.  It is too cute.

Playing

I have also figured out that these posts may be slightly out of order as I will do them when I get time & catch up when I get time.

Before I left we were sitting down to assess our view of what Tati would go through.  We decided, with the exception of diapers, it would be like having a newborn in the house.  Ok, not a problem because in reality after all she really is 8 so will it truly be like the work of a newborn.  OMGosh, it is just like having a newborn in the house.  lol  I am so EXHAUSTED at the end of the day, I had no idea.  Now, let me clairify, it is all the WONDERFUL things of a newborn.  All the exploration on her part, training on my part, trying rules, successes, failures, etc., etc., etc.  It is wonderful but man do we sleep good at night!

She has a new word in English....... stop...... she says it "c-top"  She has new words everyday but that is the one that sticks out to me right now.

So today she is playing by herself again while the daycare kids are asleep.  She asked if she could use my baby swing.  This is what she was doing with it.

This is the swing she "borrowed"

This is the baby taking his nap.

At the same time the baby was sleeping, her Barbies were also napping.  I guess it was just general naptime at my house.  Why wasn't the memo delivered to mommy?

The chair/bed for the Barbies

Barbies fast asleep

Every Girl needs a Dollhouse

A friend of ours gave us a dollhouse her girls have outgrown.  Tati thinks this is the coolest thing on earth, she especially liked it when I told her she didn't have to share it with the daycare kids.  This was something she could keep totally to herself, she can decorate it herself & no one would mess it up.  Man was she excited.

I knew that everything would be firsts for her, but to see things from her point of view, man o man.  We went to a pumpkin patch last week to pick out our carving pumpkins.  This place had more than pumpkins, they had animals to pet, a bounce house, a tent with hay to play in, plus the tons & tons of pumpkins to pick from.  It was a lot of fun. 




Our 3 babies - so happy to finally have them all together



She felt quite strongly about the animals

Loved petting the kitty

We also took a trip to the indoor play place in the Beavercreek Mall one day when it was too cold for the park.  Again, she took everything in stride.  She had a blast but never acted like she was nervous or scared in the slightest.



In case you can't see her, she is on the left with her bum on the floor and folded in half with her feet in the air.

 Well, more to come as I have time to catch up.  We are all adjusting well & having an absolute blast getting to know each other.

We are home

OK, this is what I think is going to happen with this blog, I think I am going to try to keep a fairly consistent blog going on our family journey & then when I get the chance I will post about our trip to & from Africa.

The statement I have started telling people, when they ask us how Tati is fitting in, is that we now know that our family had a Tatiana sized hole in it & she has stepped right in and made things complete.  In this blog I will tell you the goods & the not so goods, not to complain or boast but to just be real.  We are all settled in now and trying to figure out life as a family of 5 instead of 4.  She amazes us many times each day.  I also have some catching up to do on this one as well.  lol

Brian & I were both in the other room working on the computer & such.  The daycare kids were asleep & so Tati was left totally alone.  When we walked around the corner, this is what we saw.  One of the major things I have learned in my trips to Africa is that kids are kids no matter where they live in the world.  All girls know how to have tea parties.  This was just too sweet.  We had decided to wait a month or so to start her "formal" homeschool education.  Well, she beat us to it.  I brought in a box from the garage of stuff I have collected for when she got home.  It was full of educational stuff I had saved & little purses, shoes, & toys, etc., etc.  She "helped" me open the box & go through everything.  She knows the kids leave for school everyday so when I told her some of the stuff was for school she couldn't wait to start working on things.  So the next morning homeschool began.  :)  She is doing just great.  I wasn't sure what was a lack of English knowledge  & where her education was lacking, so what to do???  Start at the begining!  We started with pre-school work and she is just working at her own pace.  She loves it.  When we started I would have a goal of a few pages in her workbooks, I would introduce a concept & she kept wanting to continue & continue.  My goal would be 3 pages & she would do 8 before she decided to quit.  Cool

Tonight she fell & said, in English, "Oh my goodness."  It was so funny!!!

Short Update

Ok so it looks like getting access to the internet here is more difficult than I thought it would be.  I had to come to a place (bar) where they have the internet, pay for an hour of time, then spent 40 min trying to get something to come up that I could communicate on.  For those of you who were going to follow our journey, I am writing it down and will post it when I arrive home.  Things are going SO WELL!!!  Tati and I have fallen right into the mother/child relationship with no problems.  The American Embassy has been beyond wonderful.  Thank You to all of you who are praying.  Prayers going up & fingers crossed we will be on our plane at our scheduled time without a problem.  Thank You all for being interested and God has granted us such a miracle in this beautiful blessing.  I cant wait to get settled into routine at home.  Many, many :)

Next Chapter

I sit here in the dark, the only one awake.  This quiet time of reflection is just what the "good doctor" aka God ordered.  I am using the time to clear my head, focus on what is about to happen, pray, & just enjoy the memories of my family before we started this journey.  I am also enjoying the thoughts of what is to come when Tatiana arrives home.

The bags were packed & paperwork arranged before I went to bed last night.  Yeah me for not procrastinating!!  Everything was done & we were all scarfing ice cream together by 8 last night.  Still have a couple last minute details to take care of but nothing major.  Oh, I have to tell you, Noah came home last night from a day with Papa (My dad) and brought a dozen Krispy Kream doughnuts.  He strutted in like a peacock, the man who saved the day, it was great.  He said they were so I could have the best last breakfast in the world.  lol  Love him!  Tabi is excited too, regardless of what she says out loud.  She has been telling all her friends that I was leaving to get her sister.  I feel bad though that she is nervous for me.  Love her!  I know Brian is nervous, but I think that is just his job as my protector.  I wish I could take that feeling away for him but I love that he feels that way about me.  Things feel right between us again.  Thank you God.

The last thing I have to post is God's amazing awesomeness.  Some of you know I have panic disorder that I take medication for, let me tell you, this is something that could send me into a tizzy & make it very difficult for me to even function.  Well, this time, I have what can only be explained as a peace in my mind, body, & heart.  I do not even feel anxious or nervous.  I am slightly worried, do I have everything but that is it.  Before we leave the house I am going to pray with everyone that the same feeling washes over them & that they can feel the way I do.  God is in complete control, and has been all this time.  I hope they can feel that & not just say it in their heads.  I know it sounds weird to be so calm at this HUGE juncture in our lives but that is the only way I have to explain it.......................PEACE

I will update as often as possible.  Love You

Crunch Time

Well, only 2 full days left until I start life with a new daughter.  Only 2 weeks left until we are all together for good.  WOW, I have dreamt of this almost a million times, but there was always a small part of me that wondered if it would ever happen for real.  It's getting to be crunch time.  Are all my clothes packed, are all Tati's clothes packed, is all the information written down, are all of Tati's papers filled out, is the house cleaned the way I wanted it, is Noah's stuff all packed for grandma's, etc., etc., etc., etc..........................  When preparing to travel, my mom always said, "Don't worry, the really important stuff (like medication) you won't forget, anything you do forget you can just buy when you get there."  Which is very sound advice UNLESS you are going to a 3rd world country.  The nice thing is, I haven't procrastinated anything so there won't be this last min. panic as I rush to get things done.  I will have everything ready & double checked by Sunday afternoon.  My plan for the rest of Sunday to sit around on my lazy behind & enjoy the comforts of my country.  The best thing out of all of this is that my God is bigger than all of the government agencies, bigger that any anxieties, bigger than any fears Brian & my parents have.  God has overcome too many obstacles, that we couldn't see a way around, to drop us now.  I know this doesn't mean He isn't going to make me do any of the work or that He is going to give me all the answers I want, but it DOES mean that He WON'T drop us.

I thought I had a bunch to post because my head is just spinning, but I guess that's about it.  PLEASE, PLEASE pray for Tati's travel Visa to go smoothly.  The guy at the US Embassy in Benin is still being a pain in the rumpus about the whole thing.  I think I am a sever inconvenience in his day.  lol

I love each & every one of you.  I will post as soon as I am able when I arrive.  I hope to have nothing eventful to tell you about my travel & arrival.  May God Bless & Protect everyone.

Catch Up This Week

Warning: if it seems like my mind is going a million directions all at once, you are perceiving things correctly.

So if I make it through this without choking the dude at the U.S. Embassy it will be amazing!  Last week he tells me, BEFORE I schedule my flights, that he will be in the states for most of the month of Oct & to try to arrive in Benin before he leaves so he can do Tatiana's Visa interview.  Side note, here when we need a Visa to enter a country we fill out some forms, mail our Passport & $$ to Washington D.C., and bada bing bada boom they mail it back to you stamped with your Visa permission.  In other countries, to enter the U.S., you must physically go to the U.S. Embassy and appear for a live interview, pay the $$, and they can still tell you no you are not admitted to the U.S., even for a vacation.  Makes me understand & appreciate our convience of living in this country a little more.  Ok, so dude tells me if I can't make it by his last day at work then someone else will be taking over his duties while he is not in Benin & it's not a problem.  So I proceed with booking my trip as soon as possible.  Dude's last day of work is Oct 5th, I send him an e-mail to let him know I am arriving on the 5th in the evening so I can be available for an interview on the 6th or after.  He sends a short reply to let me know he will not be in the country.  All righty then!  I call the next day to find out if I have to make an appointment for the Visa interview or how I go about all that.  He tells me that it can't be done because he will not be there.  WHAT????  I remind him that he said someone else would be there.  To which he tells me that person is to only do Visa's in emergency cases & our case is not!  Ok, stop, breath Tonya.......................  I told him the tickets were purchased, he said that wasn't his problem he told me all this Before they were purchased.  Then he tells me to call back in 3 hrs and he would see what he could do.  I'm here to tell ya, I didn't get upset because dude has done this to me before.  Grrrrr  Thank goodness Brian wasn't the one doing this.  God really knows what He's doin by having me take care of these things.  3 hrs later, to the minute, I call dude back.  What a surprise, he has someone who can do the interview on Friday the 8th at 9am.  Geesh!  So please pray that things go smoother than that & they know what they are doing more than dude.

In other news; I did receive my Visa to enter Benin, paid for tickets, & saw the doctor to get Malaria meds so I should be all ready to travel.  Somewhere along the way I picked up a fantastic idea, to make a picture book for Tatiana that shows different people she will be seeing, pics of our house, etc. to give her a frame of reference when she arrives.  I decided to do this with like a scrapbooking online kinda thing where they can do it in a hard bound book so she will be able to keep it forever, I also did it in French & English so she can read it now.  Anyway, I received the completed book the other day & it is SO COOL.  I am so glad I took the time, spent way too much, & decided to do it.  :)

During my trip I am planning to journal so I don't forget any details but I should also be able to update here while I am in the country.  Don't worry, I will post pictures too.

I'm Baaaaaack

Hello Friends,

I am going to start journaling again.  This will help me keep you all updated and help me to write things down so I can go back and read them too.

Well, we received our go ahead last Tuesday!  What an amazing thing, we have waited SO long for this day.  Everything is officially done and the next thing is to go with her for a Visa interview to get her paperwork to enter the US.  I am planning on updating while I am gone and when we get back so you can follow our journey of  adjustment together.

I leave in 14 days!!!  So much to do.  I need to make sure I pack for myself, Tati, and pack a suitcase full of donations for the orphanage.  I need to make lists of emergency information to leave for Brian, I need to make lists of information for everyone else.  We need to get things set up for when she arrives so it is like she has always belonged here.  I don't want to not have stuff ready and her think she was an after thought in our hearts.  Brian said it was like bringing home a new baby, except she is 8 yrs old.  So just like you get the baby's room ready, we are preparing things for her arrival as well.  The reason he says it is like bringing home a baby because of the things that differ from the world she knows.  Very basic, for example she doesn't use an indoor toilet where she lives now.  She will have to learn to take a bath, they take showers but I don't know if she has ever sat down in the bath tub and played with toys like a child.  EVERYTHING is going to be new to her.  Of course, we know she will adapt very quickly and with the love of her immediate and extended family she will be fine.

I will be flying out on Oct 4th and WE will return on Oct 17th.  We are going to be hunkering down for a while to get everyone used to our new life but once we venture out everyone in our life will get to share in the joy of our new child. 

More details as they come in.

More Immigration News

I spoke with the immigration officer yesterday to get an update to see if his boss has reviewed everything.  He did say that the boss has not given it back to him yet but he thinks it should just be a few more days.  In the meantime I found out that we will not be able to do the final adoption while we are there.  I asked the attorney if we could apply to have a court appearance in July, we are not able to appear until after August 16th.  I figured what's one month give or take, right?  Well his response was that we absolutely can not apply until after Aug 16th.  Also, given that it is Africa it would take several months to get a date, then the government goes on break in Oct. so that would delay it by another several months.  So we are going to have to make two trips to Benin.  We are going to make a trip to pick her up & then we will go back to do the adoption later.

In addition, I sent an e-mail to the social worker who did our homestudy to get her opinion as to if it would hinder Tati & Brian's bonding if I went to pick her up by myself.  She said she doesn't think it would hurt anything at all, in fact, many famiilies do this to save $$ which is the same reason we are considering it.  This way I can have some intense time with her and when we get home I can back off and let him have some intense time with her.  He is going to be taking a couple of weeks off work so the 5 of us can spend time getting to know each other.

We are getting so excited, we can't hardly stand it.  Will post more as I know it.

GREAT NEWS & Update

I talked to the US Immigration department yesterday.  The GREAT NEWS came, he has approved our request to bring our daughter home!!!!  So he tells me that according to the research he has done we are the only americans to ever adopt from Benin.  Wow.  So he wants to run this by his boss to make sure he did everything PERFECT before he actually releases his approval.  Because, you know you don't want to screw up something the first time you deal with a country.  As the rest of this process has gone I am not sure exactly what will happen next.  We have several posibilities but I will know more as we move forward.  This is going to be difficult, emotionally, because the end is in sight but it is still going to seem like it will take FOREVER to get here.  I can't wait until we have our daughter safley in our arms.  I was watching Oprah yesterday & there was a family just like ours, it was too strange but on the other hand very encouraging.

I haven't read much in my Love & Respect book in the last couple of days.  I plan on getting back to it in the very near future.  Sunday night I had some much needed therapy by some very very dear friends.  The bottom line of what we talked about is that I have put much effort into my marriage lately, to get it back on track.  While that is great, things have shifted and I need to put some effort into me.  I need to look inward and upward to my Lord.  I need to take some time for me to be able to fully repair my marriage.  I also need to stop looking outward for "something to do," my only focus needs to be on myself, my family, & my job.  Since this therapy session with my friends I feel like I have a renewed sense of spirit.  I hope & plan on it to continue.

Having dinner with an old friend tonight, someone I haven't seen since High School.  20 yrs of catching up, can it be done in one evening?

Spring

Ok, so I'm about half way through my Love & Respect book. (Yes, I know I am a slow reader & on top of that I get like 30 min a day to read, maybe.  So no reason to point out the odvious)  Anyway about 1/2 way through & it is just as AMAZING as I was hoping it would be.  I told Brian to not pay attention to the places I underlined because that was purely for me & not places I was underlining for him to focus on.  So what was a few underlined sentences here and there became a journal.  I found myself underlining all over the place & then jotting notes about my feelings in the margin.  So it has become a way to communicate what was going on inside my head at the time when Brian decides to read it.  I hope he decides to read it......

The other crazy thing about this book is that it pertained to our life & our marriage SO closely that I actually put down the book and looked around for a camera to see if they were writing about what they saw in our specific house.  I mean this guy has us pegged down to the letter!!!  The bottom line of what this book teaches is that a woman's fundemental need is love & men's is respect.  What happens is that when women feel unloved they try to love more and more to motivate their husband to love back.  Men do the same thing, when they feel disrespected they will not engage in an arguement or do other things out of respect for their wife to get the wife to show some respect in return.

Now I try to never blame the past or anyone in the past for mistakes because I firmly believe people do the best they can with what they have at the time.  All that aside, this book has taught me that I never knew how to respect my husband or any man for that matter.  This book has helped me with how to deal with my dad, my son and any other man in my life.  Not only my husband.  I have started the respect "thing" now I have messed it up a couple of times but the important part is that I am learning and I am open to learning.  Unfortunately, I feel like I am fumbling around some of the time.  On the positive I see glimmers of the love I so desire due to the respect he is feeling.  Example; the other day we were leaving a party at a friend's house & it was raining, well not only did he go out to move the car closer he also brought an umbrella up to the door to get me.  He has not done something like that in as long as I can remember & I didn't even know we had an umbrella in the car so he really had to look for it, that was a conscience decision to do that for me.  I felt SO LOVED........... hopefully we will have more of these moments in the future.

Update

Well it has been a couple of days since I posted.  I think this is going to be very useful for me.  This way I can poor all my little meaningless thoughts into here and quit telling others who I know it doesn't matter to.  Anyway, that isn't self loathing, I am just trying to change some things to make my world better.

Everyone is healthy, Finally.  What else, Oh I have given the paperwork to 2 didfferent French speakers & I hope to have it translated by the beginning of next week.  I have a new sense of urgency about this situation.  I have always had peace in my heart that Tatiana may not be in our home, in our direct love, & have our opportunities but at least she was in a good place by their standards.  She gets a place to sleep, food everyday, the opportunity for an education, and love.  Problem; I just read Ashley's blog today and one of the older girls came home from school and a classmate did not perform well on a test.  The punishment was, since no one in the class helped this child to make sure he knew the information, everyone in the class was hit with a switch.  2 lashes for everyone, the girl with Ashley had a huge welt & the second blow took skin with it.  OMG is this what my baby is subject too????  I know she is in a very good place by compairson but I still can't stand the thought of that happening to a child & especially not our child.  Tatiana we are coming to get you AS SOON as we can get there.

We had a marital crisis this week.  It was actually the first time in 12 yrs. we discussed one of us packing up and leaving.  The problem is that it took things going that far for me to understand I have been disrespecting my husband for 15 yrs.  I hate that is comes to that, but they say that sometimes things must hit bottom before your eyes are opened.  I truly hope that my eyes have opened enough that I don't ever forget this time.  I know Brian hopes I will change how I respect (or lack there of) him, but I also know he can't believe me at face value when I say I will change.  He has hoped I would change for 15 yrs., & I have also promised to change before & I have gotten lax because I thought I passified him long enough that it didn't matter any more.  It turns out that it did matter but he just didn't have the desire to nag & nag until I did what I said I would in the first place.  I am now reading a book called "Love & Respect".  I want to learn how to respect my husband and what respect means.  I just know he has had trouble with telling the whole truth before & I can only hope he is telling me the truth this time.  I guess we still have some issues to work out before we can be considered "happily married" again.  :( sad but true.  It is all I want in the world.

We will see how it plays out.

Sick House

Ok so the good news is, I think we are all going to live.  Everyone in my house I mean.  3 of the 4 of us came down with some aweful stomach bug during the night Tues night.  Brian not so bad, Noah not at all, Tabi & myself thought it was a shorter trip to die than to get better.  But, apparently it wasn't our time to go because we are now closer to being better than we are to death.  YEAH  Tomorrow it looks like back to school & work for us.  Back to real life, oh well just in time for the weekend.

P.S.  Gotta find someone who knows French well enough to translate 2 documents.  They are the last 2 documents to send to immigration, unfortunately I have been too sick for the last couple of days to even care.  Maybe in the next couple of days it will become my focus again.

Easter

Yesterday was a really nice day.  The weather was just georgous, several people were baptised during the service, lunch with the extended family, went to see Grandpa, took Tabi to her boyfriend's and spent the evening relaxin.  Everyone got along great and had a really good time.  All was good!!!

News From Immigration

Answer to why the INS is going to call.  Like I thought, no big deal.  He called yesterday and wanted to let me know that they need two additional documents.  The paperwork said that Tatiana's mother had passed away but no death certificate was included.  The reason they must have this document is because if Tati's father was trying to sell her for a price he could have said she was dead, just believe me she has no mother.  They want to make certain after doing due dilligance that all the ducks are in a row and that she has passed away like we say she has.  The second document was a statement from her father saying that he can no longer take care of her and that he irrevocably and unconditionally gives her up to someone who can care for her.  The reason for this document is again to avoid the fradulant case that someone has stolen this child to sell to the highest bidder.  Also, people who traffic children will sell a child into slave labor for 1 year or more and then want to get them back when their usefullness was used up.  INS just wants to make sure her father does not change his mind later and have a legal reason to rip her away from us.  So I do understand that all of this is to protect everyone involved.  The only problem is that it is one more thing to do & one more thing keeping our daughter from being in our arms.  But, the important part is that ALL of this is in God's hands and His timing is EXACTLY PERFECT and if we change that timing by one second it will all go horribly wrong.  So that is the truth we hold on to everyday we are not together as a family.  So I e-mailed both Gabi (director of the orphanage) and our attorney in Benin to ask for the documents.  They both e-mailed them to me by this morning.  The next step is to find someone who can translate the French and to send them on to INS.  I hope to have this ASAP!!!  I would like to send the docs early next week.  INS officer said that when he receives these things should go quickly.  Well, we will see about that.

Daycare kids info:  Today I had my two boys that I have had FOREVER.  I love these guys.  Ja is 7 and Ju is 3.  I don't have them all the time now but only for special days.  I had Ja from the time he was a baby until Ju was almost 2.  These boys are so sweet & as a family we love them to death, like most of my daycare kids.  Anyway, today Ju didn't want a sandwich for lunch so when I got ready to make lunch he told me that his mommy said he wasn't allowed to eat a sandwich, maybe when he gets bigger but today he can't have one.  This was too funny to me.  This told me that mommy says they have to wait until they get bigger to have something & it also told me that Ju didn't want a sandwich and thinks that if it is a directive from his mom then I MUST obey.  Well Ju "got his wish" because he was not "forced" to eat a yucky old sandwich. (which I wasn't going to make for them anyway)  Later this afternoon, same child, got a snack out of his bag and when I told him to put it back he looked me dead in the eyes and said "No".  I asked, "excuse me?"  He, again, said "No!"  I gave him one more chance before I threatened Time Out.  This time he caved and put the snack into the bag.  He was testing the water to see what Ms. Tonya would push & and where he stood with the rules.  I knew this inside of 10 seconds.  He pushed, found the boundaries & went bounding into the other room to go on with his day.  LOL  I love my job and they are so much fun.

Waiting for Approval

Ok so we mailed our completed homestudy about 2 weeks ago and had our fingerprints done about 3 or 4 weeks ago.  Those were the last 2 things INS (Immigration/Homeland Security) needed before they approved our travel & send the paperwork to the US Embassy in Benin.  As far as I understand it we will be receiving the approval with instructions within 30 days of INS receiving everything.  Yesterday I sent an e-mail to see if I could get a timeline as to when we would be approved.  Well, today I get an e-mail that they are working on things and they will call me later.  Call me, what does that mean?  Is that good, is that bad.  My patience has grown exponentially during this process but I still don't like being left hanging with info.  Call me, that isn't typical is it.  Wouldn't they send a letter or just tell me on the e-mail.  Call me, what does that mean?  Typical me, it could be absolutely nothing & I am freaking out for no reason.  OK so I will update when I know.

On the daycare babies front.  C is sick but that didn't stop me from kissing her & getting my face into face so I think she has given me the blessing of sharing her cold with me.  GREAT, really I don't mind I just think it is funny that it doesn't matter I will kiss my babies all day everyday no matter how sick they are.  They need kisses to cope with being sick, I can take good old fashioned medication to make me feel better.  Being held and loved on is what makes them feel better.  Fortunately I have a light week so I can just hang out with the babies & the kids can pretty much do what they want. (within reason of course!!)

Will post more when I know more

Nothing Exciting

Had kind of a "typical" weekend.  Which is what I ALWAYS hope for.  I like comfort and predictablity so much that nothing happening is my ideal time.  Saturday we litterally spent the day on our butts.  It was great, Brian was screwing around on the computer most of the day while I watched movies in the same room.  Sunday was Palm Sunday so church was uplifting and encouraging to the spirit.  After that we went to lunch, at one of our favorite places, with some great friends.  We all then went back to our friend's house for some Bible study & some chat time.  A good time was had by all.  The day ended with more relaxing on the couch.  My idea of a great weekend, it could have only been better if it was on a tropical beach.  lol

Try this thing out

Ok, so lately I have been journaling more on paper so I thought I would give this a try.  I have been wanting to chronical our adoption experience since the beginning.  I have tried a regular notebook, a "pretty" notebook, bought a video camera, & signed up for a blog.  Nothing has worked.  I think I am overwhelmed with trying to go back and recapture the last 2 years.  I now know what I need to do is start today and when I have time I can sit down and go back.  Anyway, I'm not sure how interesting this will be but if you know me at all you don't expect interesting.  LOL  This is where I will be posting about our trip when we leave to pick up Tatiana.

I am also going to try to chronical daycare and let parents look up the "cute" things their kiddo's said or did during their day at my house.

We will just see where this goes and see if I post more than once every month.  Again, those of you who know me know how much that is a possibility.